Ever thought about quitting the cycle of going to the pub every Friday night, or even putting down the drink all together for a while?
Sober Challenges
I've seen a lot of advertising and fundraising around the 'Dry July' challenge, and it has me thinking. I remember when I first gave this a go a few years back, and it was mostly a good experience. All areas of my well-being improved over the month, and I felt well accomplished upon completion.
Then at day 30-something, the big blowout I'd been waiting for finally approached. And it was right back to square one the next morning. I felt like shit. Bottling up all the drinking energy for this amount of time equated in significant intoxication when the proverbial reigns were dropped loose. All the positive energy dissipated rather quickly as I fell right back into the same cycle which had just been broken.
It's important to note, one does not think that this challenge is no good. I just wish for the well-being of others by letting them know this: Try to see it as at least 30 days. That way any extra time is a bonus. And try not to plan a big blowout at the end.
The changes of going sober in our social lives
In this series of blog posts: "the benefits of going sober" we are talking about multiple areas of our health. This spans far and wide, but today we are talking about our social well-being. If you're planning on participating in a sobriety challenge, or have decided to quit the drink for good, I've got some tips for you.
Dropping the drink is not only great for every realm of our human existence but it also changes our social dynamic. It can show us who's really there for us, and may actually point out some of those who may just around for the highlight reel.
Needless to say, changing the way we drink can have an impact on the way we socialise. For me personally making the decision to 'quit the drink' meant that I ended up pretty alone for a while.
Initially this was hard to wrap my head around. I had spent my late teens and most of my 20's socializing and networking within the dynamics of alcohol. Don't get me wrong I participated in some sober events as well, but they were few and far between.
It was easier to be myself after a few 'social lubricants' I thought, it was easier to pick up girls, and gain notoriety for being as outgoing as possible. Looking at it from the grand scope things don't appear to be so bad, right?
And that's the case for many of us. We say "if it ain't broke don't fix it "And I wish that was the case for me, but not so much. It was broke, and I did need to fix it.
Every area of my life was on the decline and I was escaping my reality in a haze of substances. After a while I decided to pull my way out of that lifestyle to live better and "give sobriety a go" If you want to learn more about my journey click here.
Anywho, making the changes into better habits can activate some extremely rewarding and positive things to happen in life. On top of this, our more meaningful relationships will grow stronger.
From loneliness to solitude
"Didn't he just say he was alone?" Yes. I was. But it was a different kind of alone. I went out every single weekend without fail for quite a long time and guess what happened when I stopped?
Have you ever felt more alone when surrounded by a bunch of people? I know I sometimes did. Then after the party ended, the effects of that emptiness would only grow harsher.
Everyone that I went out with 'disappeared' after I made the change. Or, so I thought. But in reflection that's not true is it? I made the changes and decided to put myself first meaning I walked away. I'm the one that left, and they continued to do whatever it is that they wanted to do.
There's nothing personal at all attached to that is there? And even though it felt isolating to begin with, there were a few relationships that improved in quality 100 times over.
The impact on personal relationships
The relationship between me and my family for instance. No longer would I miss family events and catch ups because of being hungover or 'too busy' with party life. No longer would I pass off a family dinner or just not show up. In fact, now I even ask for them to happen. Now I'm a better son, a better partner, and a better friend. Now I get to cherish every moment with my loved ones.
The relationship with my partner has improved a lot. I went from a place of survival mode, to being able to actively contribute to the relationship again with more energy and empathy across the board. In filling my cup, I've been able to overflow it on to others.
My friend circle shrunk from dozens of people to a couple people. And would I change that? Absolutely not. There are now a few close friends surrounding me that I know I can trust, and that takes a lot for some. But most of all, I'm beginning to trust myself. After 400 days of sobriety and a complete change in career, which has led me back to study I'm proud to say that I'm finally networking again.
It takes two to tango
Please note that I've been a bad friend before, I'm no saint. I have also been a bad partner, and done bad things. Most of all, I was bad to myself. I could be anti-social, manipulative, anxiety inducing and more. For me it wasn't just the drink at all, there was a lot of healing to do in a lot of ways and stepping away from the party life helped with that.
Not everyone who drinks has these issues, however, everyone that quits the bottle for a bit will notice the changes that I speak of.
The decision to put myself first, stop drinking, and start becoming the best version I could be has changed everything. Can I put it all down to drinking? Absolutely not. But would I recommend giving it a go? Abso-bloody-lutely.
So here's to a fruitful 'Dry July' to those who are participating, I wish you all the best. And for those who are thinking it may be time for a bit of a longer rest, there's so much more support out there than what you imagine.
Here's the top 10 benefits of going sober in our social lives all summed up.
Closer relationships with loved ones.
More time for productive friendships.
Noticing not-so favourable people in our circle.
Realising who is actually there for us.
Re-connecting with people who aren't our drinking buddies.
More energy for social event's.
Finding deeper and more meaningful connections.
Being able to contribute to other circles which we may of missed.
Curbing the potentially anti-social behaviour from intoxication.
Most of all, learning the difference between loneliness and solitude.
That last one was the biggest for me. As time went by that great void which was left behind started to fill up again. What was the consumption of parties and substance became an empty shadow for a while, and it took a while to build up that strength to re-gain positive interaction. But it was so worth it.
The cure to my social anxiety wasn't the liquor, it was healing in solitude.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and I'll see you in the next one.
Peace and love
~J.
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