Anything that alters our brain chemicals should be monitored closely, right?
Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be the case for the world's most popular social lubricant. Alcohol is widely accepted globally as a means to "break the ice" and connect with other people, but quite often we forget to check in with ourselves to see how much we use, and how we use it.
For some, this is perfectly fine, those who fancy a cocktail or two on a Friday night aren't exactly making the evening news. But for others, this alteration to their brain chemicals can wreak havoc - and I was part of that some.
Me and Alcohol
Personally, I would drink to socialize, overcome anxiety, meet someone new and sometimes even as an escape. These practices may not seem like much, but over a long period of time they eventually become habits and can be further ingrained by having wider social circles doing the same thing.
By the age of 27, I had moved cities because my consumption became unhealthy. This included substance induced episodes, overnights in jail cells, issues with relationships, financial worries, and I had built up a pretty serious case of depression.
These impacts only started to improve after.... you guessed it, I decided to give up drinking for a while.
New Zealand and Alcohol
Moving to the country I'm from, New Zealand. Most of the western world has a binge-drinking culture and NZ is definitely part of that. There are games, competitions, even whole events organized around alcohol consumption. It's advertised in the news, TV, social feeds, supermarkets, and on just about any flat surface imaginable - even on the back of busses.
It's the most normalized drug in existence, and one of the only ones you may even be ridiculed or stigmatized for not partaking in.
It is also the first most harmful drug in New Zealand, coming in at #1 in every drug harm scale for the country. Seconded by methamphetamine, have a look at the stats below.
When it comes to domestic violence, intimate partner violence, crime statistics, accidental deaths, roading accidents and just about anything we don't want to happen, guess what the most prevalent issue is? Alcohol.
Anyway, this blog post isn't supposed to be a rant about the effects of alcohol use on society, but more about the changes to one's mental health when they choose to stop consuming it. This post follows on from my series of "How Going Sober Impacted My (blank)" where I am writing about the insights from my 1000 day sobriety challenge, which I am over halfway through.
What Was The Immediate Difference When Stopping Drinking?
For me, my life was like a roller-coaster without any brakes. Up, down, fast, slow, upside-down, loop-de-loop, you name it. The ups and downs were my mental health, and you guessed it, alcohol held the brakes.
I had plenty of good times when partying throughout my teens and 20's, but unfortunately, these better times are clouded with all the bad stuff that I experienced along the way. Eventually, it came to a point where I had to stop, which I did in early 2023.
The single biggest difference when I quit drinking? I got those brakes back, I was then able to slow down my roller coaster life, and ups and downs that were happening with my mental health started to even out.
The difference for me 500+ days into my sobriety "challenge," is huge. But initially, it was really hard. I had a lifetime of things to catch up on, things I never let myself feel, grieve for, or accept, and without the distraction of alcohol, I had to sit in all of these things I never allowed myself to experience.
On top of this, I initially felt quite isolated. I did have a support network around me (which I HIGHLY recommend,) but in quitting the bottle, I was quitting nearly all of my socialization. Not only was I bartending at the time, but just about every social interaction I had previously was centered around alcohol.
Mental Clarity
After this initial shock to the system, I started adjusting to sober life and things began to get easier. At about 30 days in, I noticed that my sleep and energy levels improved - which helped to elevate my mood. Alongside this, I felt more motivated to do things, my creativity came back, I was able to better manage my emotions, and I even stated that I was beginning to enjoy life again outside of partying.
"Brain fog" decreased and I was more able to focus. With that focus, I started working on a bunch of projects that I had been putting off, like launching a dropshipping business and going back to the gym. With the idea of a sobriety challenge in mind, I also launched my social media to start uploading videos, and made the decision to relocate to focus on my growth even more (we'll save that story for another time)
After about 100 days of sobriety, I noticed that my thoughts were running faster, I was able to speak more clearly, and was able to think of the right word to say at the right time more effectively. I also noted that my intuition had improved and I felt I was better able to read other people. An exert from that same video:"It's almost like there was a filter on my thoughts, and my thoughts would get stuck in it" I then go on to say that I have better emotional intelligence, increased empathy, self-confidence and decisiveness.
I felt like I slipped back into alignment with my true self, and my anxiety was reducing. Fun fact - I wasn't diagnosed with depression or anxiety until about 6 months into my sobriety journey, and eventually ADHD at around day 520.
Sobriety Is Just The Beginning
I always thought "If I just stop drinking, everything would be so much easier" - and that's true, everything has been easier, but I have had to deal with everything. The mind is an incredible machine, made of such expansive binary that we can't even begin to quantify the universe that is within it. My universe was signalling me with bright red lights and flashing signs that I needed to make a change (we could call these lights "red and blues" but that's another story that we'll save for later) and that change had to happen immediately.
For others, their needs will vary widely, and just because my universal binary needed some re-coding doesn't mean everybody's does. It's just my opinion that once you put down the bottle, you can pick up your future and start carving it into something you enjoy looking at.
Maybe I had to dive into my subconscious mind and re-write things, maybe I had to spend a lot of time alone in my thoughts, and maybe I did have to quit my job, move, move back, and move off the tracks of my reality onto the road of my future, and that's fine. Because if I had to do it all again, I would choose this jump. Every. Single. Time.
It takes a lot of patience to begin accepting yourself, and for me, myself was hiding beneath layers and layers of suppressed feelings, emotions, and past hurts. Once I started speaking to those in my sobriety, I began healing at a rate that is so rapid I sometimes can't catch myself. This is what it's like to have momentum again, and I'm so very thankful to have it back. We all have the power to put ourselves first, all we have to do is take the first step and everything will unfold for us. But sometimes, that first step is just the beginning of a journey that will lead us through the valleys below, before we will see the light above.
So if your journey is anything like mine, full of ups and downs, don't let the valleys define you, allow yourself the time and room for growth, until you can climb out of that valley with a new sense of self.
Because, imagine if you never did. Imagine not giving yourself that chance. That's what motivated me when I found out how hard this journey is. The fact that I would never know my own potential if I didn't give myself the time to heal.
I say that it took me two hundred and fifty days to begin loving being alive again, and maybe that's true. But without those 250 harder days, I wouldn't be where I am now. And I'm proud of that.
I didn't know where this blog post would go to tell you the total truth, I could write an entire book about the impact this journey has had on my life, and how alcohol can play such a huge role in who we are. And I guess the best way that I have to explain it is this:
I begun actively working on my mental health by going to counselling and attending peer support.
I moved from depressed and escapist, to motivated and passionate.
My projects came to life, and I began enjoying them.
I got my creativity back, wrote 2 books, and begun writing poetry.
I quit the bar scene in 2023, took a year off working full-time, went back to study, graduated, and became a peer support worker in 2024.
And most of all, I got me back and started making myself proud. Self-acceptance has probably been one the most difficult parts of this journey, it begins with forgiveness, something that I picked up through meditation, another practice I recommend trying.
In Closing
To close us off, I just want to say that sobriety isn't about perfection, and everybody's journey will look different. While some may benefit from total abstinence, others might benefit from reduction, or different types of planning.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, and try not to do it all alone. If you don't have the access to counselling, try looking for a local group that you can attend, look out for peer support, it's truly magical to have someone in your corner that has been there before.
Most of all, try to find those peaceful moments where you can accept love and consider the prosperity of better wellbeing, you never know how much abundance the universe may offer you, in any form.
Yours,
John East-O'Leary
Comments